ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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