My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
