I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
time to smoke my breakfast
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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