I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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