Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
