Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize