he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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