she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
