So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
