If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
