I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't deserve a penis
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
