We are two peas in an std pod
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize