god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
