So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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