i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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