I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
