Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you would pick up someone in the library
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's blow job season.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
