Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
