walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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