Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
