I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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