I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
