I wish I could punch you in the face.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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