We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so let's talk penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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