i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
