the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
