Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize