dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
