She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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