I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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