so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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