It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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