after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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