if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
