Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
