He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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