so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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