:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
