I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
