I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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