YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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