I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Come share oat with me in your robe
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
