3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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