I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
