i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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