So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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