So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
