Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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