she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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