Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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