forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
