Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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