He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
