how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
