Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
