I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
