5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
