It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i think my cat just said my name.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
