You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so let's talk penis.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
