I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
