I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
