I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
