He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
