Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
