Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
