my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
