Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
