Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
