she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
