Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize