you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am mentally ready for anal.
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