VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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