my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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