Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
