last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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