remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
