I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
