shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
