went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
