Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
