Please, let me fuck your mom
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
