I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
