what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
