Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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