She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
