I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
