Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He passed out mid-signature
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
