I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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