Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
