so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
