Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she told me i tasted like america
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
