She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
