Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
