my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
