it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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