I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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