is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
