I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
