Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
