she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
