The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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