He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
