He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
