just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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