I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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