I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize