his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
