Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
