Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
