she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
