census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
