I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
