then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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